BRATINELLA AND ME dares to speak out anytime, anywhere about anything to anyone.

Episode #11: Ba't Ka Nagagalit?!

We were at the coffee shop working on our blog – when Bratinella’s buddy happened to walk into the place.

Kulit: I thought I'd find you here...

HER: Uy – hello!

Kulit: I’m not stalking you ha . . .

HER: No prob . . . we’re just working on our blog.

Kulit: (Looking at me . . .) Hello.

ME: Hel... uhurmphh! (choking on my sandwich). . . Sorry 'bout that . . .

We exchanged some small talk – then I went back to what I was doing . . . but half my attention (well, more than that actually) was focused on what was about to transpire . . .

Kulit: What’s your article about?

HER: “Men Bullying Women”.

Kulit: ANO’NG KLASENG TOPIC YAN?! (Nag ‘alsa-boses’ bigla!)

ME: (Uh-oh . . .)

Click here to READ MORE

Episode #10: Ang Labo Mo Naman!!

04 February 2010

I was down on all fours – peeking under the table – trying to unplug the laptop – not realizing that my big ‘rear-view’ was in full view to everyone in the resto . . .

HER: Ano ba?!? . . . WHAT are you doing?!? . . . Let the waiters do that na lang kasi!

ME: I'm okay . . . I’m not too fat to bend over . . . (Sexy naman ako ah . . . eh . . . 10 years ago . . . heh heh.)

HER: Well . . . uhmmm . . . . WHATEVER!! . . . (Hay naku – ang lakas ng imagination nito!)

We were still laughing at ourselves as I finally managed to yank the plug out of the socket . . .

The Bratinella had just delivered her seminar for entrepreneurs . . . Out-of-the-box . . . Unconventional . . . Straight-to-the-Point . . . Bulls-eye . . . Clear + Precise + Concise . . . PRACTICAL WISDOM . . . Usable + Do-Able!

As we chatted in her car, the Bratinella popped her favorite question . . .

HER: So . . . what are your insights from today?

ME: Kakaiba ka talaga . . . what a way to conduct a seminar!

HER: What do you mean??

ME: There was never a dull moment . . . especially every time you waved your Magic Wand . . . WINNER – ‘FGM’ FairyGodMother ka talaga!

Click here to READ MORE

Episode #9: The Wife

23 January 2010

I was working on my PC . . . Wifey and our little princess were still awake, watching TV.

Riiiinnngggg! . . . Riiiinnngggg!

The silence of the night was suddenly broken . . . Our not-so-tiny-tot beat us to the phone.

As I watched her, I couldn't help but imagine what the Bratinella looked like at my child's age . . . Probably the same . . . Mwahahaha!

Moments later, she handed me the phone.

Princess: Dada!! . . . Girlfriend mo!

Me: Huh?!! (My suspicions were right . . . Bratinella-Jr in-the-making din ito!)

I cupped the receiver in my hands so that the Bratinella wouldn’t hear my comment.

Me: Sino’ng nagsabi girlfriend ko ‘to?

Princess: Si mommy . . .

Click here to READ MORE

Episode #8: B.A.M. Working Session #1

15 January 2010

I hauled myself up the stairs to the internet shop at the 2^ndfloor (our meeting place) not really expecting what to expect (ngek! . . . ganyan kagulo ang utak ko that day!) . . . I was exasperated from all the horrid traffic on the way to our meeting – ayan, late tuloy ako!

It was my 2^nd time to visit the place with HER . . . but this time was our Working Session #1.

When I saw the place - I became medyo hesitant . . . kasi naman, it was big and kinda plush . . . Mga foreigner – and they shouldered past me – kasi naman, I was blocking the entrance!

I tried to find Bratinella . . .

HER: Yoohoo, I'm here ! ! !

Ay sus - there she was - seated comfortably - eh saan pa nga ba – eh di sa Cubicle #1 . . .She had her laptop set-up na . . . pero . . . teka . . . there was more stuff nakakalat on the table . . . My eyeballs almost popped out . . . (Grabe talaga itong FGM FairyGodMother ko!)

She was openly – obviously and obliviously – munching ‘chicharon’ (yung mortal sin na deadly - with laman!) . . . complete with crunchy sound effects for ALL the world to hear!

Click here to READ MORE

Episode #7: A Look At The Road Ahead

07 January 2010

Honk! Honk!

I signaled “SANDALI LANG PO!" to the now-angry drivers of the cars behind us.

E kasi naman – we were right smack in the middle of the road . . . She – hands on the steering wheel . . . Me – standing outside the car, peering through the driver's-side window.

Our meeting had just ended . . . We had spent the entire afternoon poring through the parts and components of her sparkling-new Christmas gift: a fantastic Portable Recording Studio!

This state-of-the-art avant-garde equipment is what we’re now going to use to record her very own PODCASTS – as well as those for her many clients now lined up for her super-personalized world-class services!

We were just about to go on our own separate ways . . . when a light bulb suddenly blinked ‘ON’ in my mind.

Me: Wait . . . wait! (I was tapping at her side window.)

Her: What!?! (Rolling down the glass . . .Ngek -- it got stuck halfway down!)

Me: I just realized something . . .

Her: What nga?!

Honk! Honk!

Click here to READ MORE

Episode #6: The Year That Was

05 January 2010

Her: Remember... NO SAD STORIES... ayoko pag-usapan ang mga negative at mga problema...

That jolted me from my train of thoughts.

I was already preparing a litany of woes in my mind... past misfortunes that I would like the world to hear. (Naghahanap ng ka-damay, perhaps? ...I don't know.)

But she would not have any of that... She only wanted to hear about what I LEARNED from those mishaps -- and how I rebounded.

Her: Okay, ganito na lang... What did you learn from that experience?

I was scammed for a few thousand dollars… I left my Engineering job for an opportunity in Canada -- that I later found out was non-existent.

(And you want to hear what I learned from all that?? …Incredible!!!)

Click here to READ MORE

Episode #5: The Foundation

22 December 2009

Hay naku . . . you should really learn how to ‘arrange’ the food correctly when you serve the Bratinella.

The staff at the restaurant where we ate learned it -- the hard way -- when she ordered lamb shawarma ‘divorced-style’.

Her: Favor naman, Miss, DON’T put the stuff INTO the pita bread ha! . . . Put the bread in a basket, -- cover it to make sure it stays warm . . . Then put all the ingredients on a plate – separate by batch: lamb, lettuce, tomato, onion . . . And make sure it looks nice and attractive on the plate . . . Arrange it nicely naman . . . yun naka-design, heh heh.

PLUS . . . she specified that ALL the veggies be fresh – and newly sliced.

Me: Ah ewan ko sa iyo . . . basta ako, I will eat my shawarma the usual way – yung everything inside the pita bread.

Our orders arrived . . . and with just one look at her plate – she immediately knew that the meat was as cold as a dead lamb.

Her: Ah miss . . . Malamig na yung karne . . . Ayan o, the taba is yucky na . . . Paki heat naman, pwede?

Me: Looks okay naman a . . .

I continued to munch my way through my roll of meat, shawarma juices dribbling from the corners of my mouth.

She called the waitress again.

Click here to READ MORE